1/11/11...

... will go down as the day that I cried in my college class.

We took a pre-test today to gauge where we were at skills wise.  The Professor had told us yesterday that if we had completed the previous developmental math class (which I have & I passed it, albeit over 3 years ago), then we should have no trouble with this test. I studied some last night and again this morning from my  tests and notes from the previous class for this test. I walked into class and began to study again.  When she passed out the test and a scantron, I looked down and IMMEDIATELY teared up.  It was instantaneous. It was involuntary. I couldn't stop it from coming, no matter how hard I tried to stop it.  Trust me - I wanted to stop the tears so badly, but they wouldn't stop from coming.

Simplify the following: 15xy + 10xy + 15x + 10y
**drip**
Factoring polynomials.
**drip, drip**
Evaluate the function: f(-4) when f(x) = x-5x+2
**downpour**

It was all foreign to me.

I can't even get in to see the tutoring people at the school until NEXT Friday, at the earliest.  My husband's deployment is rapidly coming to an end, and there are things in this home that need to be done before his arrival. I have class next week on a day in which the kids do not have school due to an in-service.  I think I have someone worked out to help with that situation, but she has SEVEN kids herself. (What's 3 more, really?) I need a haircut, and eyebrow wax, and to take the dogs to the vet. Soccer practice is in full swing, with up to 4 nights/days a week being dedicated to that alone.  However, soccer will end at the end of February - baring any sort of play-off scenario.

In all of this sudden, extra craziness I also realize that I am lucky.

I am lucky that I have been afforded the opportunity to stay home with my children for 8+ years and having the opportunity to be lackadaisical about school.  I am not a single mother who is struggling with 3 kids, a full time job and a full time school load.  I don't even have a half load this semester.  I have ONE CLASS. ONE. It's developmental at that. I should be able to handle this.  I am overwhelmed today, but I don't need it to become overwhelming to my life.  I will either pass the class, or I won't.  It is what it is at this point.  I can't drop it and take the lower developmental class since I have already taken (and passed) it.  If I were to take the lower developmental class again, I would be just taking it for nothing but prep (again) for this class.  No credit, no raising of my GPA, nothing. I'm not prepared to do that, at least not at this point.

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On a side note...

Thank you all SO MUCH for the comments and love about my 1st day of school.  I *still* have yet to hear from ANY family about my school. None. Not one.

Thankfully, I am pretty busy with all this school and other nonsense going on that I am starting to not dwell on it too much. Well... maybe still dwelling just a little bit. ; )